Corporal Punishment Fairy Tales

When my kids are being annoying, I tell them stories about kids that got punished in ridiculous ways,  corporal punishment fairy tales.

Here are a couple of those....

Sling Shot Around The Moon

One day there was a little girl, and that little girl was being very naughty. So her dad made a paddle ten feet long. The dad came back and spanked the girl. He spanked her so hard that she flew into the air, broke through the ceiling, passed the trees, went above the clouds, and eventually left earths orbit.

She traveled all the way to the moon and got caught in it's gravitational pull, and was then catapulted with even greater speed back to earth.

Amazingly, she landed in exactly the same place she began her trip, and her dad was waiting with his paddle. He spanked her again just as she was about to hit the ground, which broke her fall and prevented all major injuries.

She was never bad again!

Journey To The Center of The Earth

One day there was a little girl and little boy, they didn't listen to their dad. He warned them several times to obey and when they wouldn't listen he went and got his shovel and dug a hole all the way to the other side of the earth.

He then tossed both children in the hole, they went hurdling threw the earth at amazing speeds and eventually shot out the other side, and went high into the air.

Just as they were about to break free from the grasps of gravity, they began to fall and soon reached maximum velocity.   The children re-entered the hole to the other side of the world and began their journey back to were they began.  As they came out of the hole their dad spanked them, they were going so fast and he hit them so hard that they disintegrated into a million pieces.

They never disobeyed again.

Be Kind To Children

These stories are not accurate representations of my parenting, how physics work, or how anyone should parent their kids. My kids do think they're funny and often their behavior improves after hearing one of them. Let me know if you enjoy them and I will start blogging more of them.

Also if your interested in deep holes, here is an excellent article from wired about the deepest hole in the world. http://www.wired.com/science/discoveries/multimedia/2008/08/gallery_kola_borehole

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2 Response to Corporal Punishment Fairy Tales

March 10, 2011 at 5:54 PM


March 11, 2011 at 6:48 AM

Hmmmmmmmmmm, I think your kids probably do think they are funny. They are probably thinking like their grammy, what is maximum velocity? Please don't raise them to be smarter then their grammy by the time they are 5!!

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